Simple things

The last several weeks I have noticed a change, a change in my rambunctious 3.5 year old. I go back and forth with liking the change and looking forward ahead to even more "big boy" moments, to holding back tears because this is just moving way too damn fast for my liking.
I notice how most of the time he refuses help in putting his shoes on or unzipping his jacket. His independence seems to flourish daily. His vocabulary amazes me, especially the witty come-backs he has when he's in trouble.
I took out his cushy mat from the bath tub (it gets to be a nightmare to clean) but mostly because I knew he was big enough not to need it. I got emotional rolling it up and tossing it in the trash. It's the little things that remind me how fast he is growing up. Ry noticed it too the other day looking at pictures. He poses for them now, says cheese, like a pro.
He processes things around him more maturely. He knows when someone is sad, mad or happy and he responds to them with "are you Ok?, don't be mad show me your smile, you're happy and smiling" comments.
He asks for one extra kiss and hug at drop off every morning. I think he knows we need an extra one more than he does. That will end some day and it makes me sad.
I was shopping for him for a winter coat and almost freaked when I saw myself standing in the big boy size section and no longer in the Baby Gap side of the store, just Gap, no baby.
He's writing letters, numbers, reciting prayers and singing songs. He got invited to his first birthday party from school. I still get to attend but soon I'll be dropping him off at the door or a block away.
If I only knew it went by so quickly I would have cherished the mundane daily rituals more. The dreaded bath time, the feedings at night, sleeping with us, etc. I did cherish those moments it's just that they are getting more fuzzy in my memory as each day passes. I get that time moves on and kids grow up but it reminds me that I'm getting old (HA!).
I know he's going to start to remember more things and I'm trying to instill simple things that are important to me and hope one day will be to him; eating dinner at the table, praying at night and being thankful for the little things, family, family, family.
I just hope he recognizes that just because his mom worked full-time, wasn't a good baker, didn't care for crafty projects, didn't organize play dates, wasn't athletic, that I was pretty cool and that somehow managed to create good memories and raise him to become a good man.
This parent thing is hard. I always hear it gets tougher, so for now I'll take the moldy bath mat and toss it but at least I get to enjoy drying off a soapy butt for a while longer.