Practice

I'm going back to work in 2 weeks!
It is my goal this week to get up after the last 5:30am feeding and start practicing getting ready and out the door by 7:20am.
As I type this Daniel is waving to me from his bedroom, he heard me and is up telling me "help me close the door because I want to see my pillow pal lights" (shows shapes on the ceiling). How does he sense I'm up? Perhaps the squeaky wood floors gives it away. The little one of course is starting to stir. This is what quiet sounds like in my house at 6:15am. Perhaps a 4:00am goal is more realistic for a completely quiet home.
I have mixed feelings about going back to work. In one moment I can't imagine a different routine than rolling out of bed, sometimes brushing my hair and running around all day like a nut, taking a hot shower at night only to rinse and repeat again the next day. But I do have visions of makeup, hair done, heals and adult conversation, oh how I miss adult conversation. I love my kids, to death, I do, but as I have told my mother in law and friends recently I was meant to be born in the time that I was because the 50s might have killed me. The pearls and pumps were cute just not in the kitchen. I like my me time, I like my independence and I like working. I do admire moms that stay home all day with their kids though.
(Insert 1 hour interruption here to feed baby, dress him and turn on a show for a 4 year old, serve his breakfast and get him dressed, put baby down for morning nap).
Now it's 7:30 and I'm royally screwed in 2 weeks.
Where was I?
Oh yes, admiring other stay at home moms. I'm happy they are happy but I know I want more of a balance. Getting to work from home twice a week is that balance. I get to be home 4 days in a row. When Tuesday morning rolls around I will be eager to get the hell out just like I was before.
Everyone is different, everyone finds their balance, if that is possible. Moms shouldn't judge other moms by the choices they make to obtain their own balance. No one lives in another person's shoes so they can't possibly understand.
I have enjoyed the last 10 weeks with my little ones. It was hectic, I cried a few times, it was loud and uncontrollable most of the time. I will remember it forever. Some days were so bad all I could say was "we are done with kids, just done". Then a good day would follow and I would think, gosh a little girl would be nice. Then, reality would set it again and I would think, nope, I don't need a little girl because that would mean she would have her own kids and I would be stuck listening to her bit*& about what I do to my mom.
Life is like that, each day is different and unpredictable. Ryan has been saying he's too old for little ones. He did the math and figured out he'll be 66 when Michael is 30 and that hit him. Like 66 is ancient or something. The first 3 months of a baby's life are the most trying ON THE PARENTS. I've been told that I'll get a new baby in a few weeks, just to wait. This is after I blew up everyone's inbox talking about colic and what the hell could I do. I got great advice and after a couple of calls to the Dr. and a few chats on FB the best advice I got was "honey it's temporary, it will pass, I PROMISE". It's getting better. I'm learning his cues and we're getting on a schedule.
In the midst of the chaos there are moments when I look at Daniel being sweet to his brother or the baby cooing with us and already getting "bigger" and I think it goes by so fast.
I can't wait to watch them grow and become men and I pray that by having two sons somehow will equal one daughter. Not that it guarantees a daughter wouldn't put me in a crappy nursing home but statistically boys are clueless when it comes to what a mom needs, there are exceptions and I hope my boys are that exception.
So, this has been a rambling of thoughts that have been going through my head.
I'm organizing pictures (OK I haven't even started) and will post many of my sweet peas soon.
Off to get ready this time for real. Someone is getting his 2 month shots today. :(