Someone else caught it though...
Showing posts with label Funny. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Funny. Show all posts
Tuesday, December 10, 2013
Thursday, July 18, 2013
Reality check
Just when you think you're not doing enough this summer to stimulate your child or give them grand memories....read this..
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/david-vienna/latest-parenting-trend-ctfd-method_b_3588031.html
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/david-vienna/latest-parenting-trend-ctfd-method_b_3588031.html
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| We love Caillou at our house but I couldn't help to giggle when I saw this. |
Wednesday, April 24, 2013
Wednesday Funny
I just read this and though it was Hilarious.
You have to plan a party a few times before you realize the below.
http://www.scarymommy.com/birthday-parties-suck/
1. The Cost. I’d love to have the party in our backyard and save like a bazillion gajillion dollars, but A. You know if I do it’s going to tornado and hail and rain nuclear ash that day and B. My kid’s like 200% dead set on one of those bouncy house places. Are you f’ing kidding me?! Once we were at a bouncy house place and this kid must have had too much cake or caught Ebola there or something because he threw up in one of the bouncy houses and all the kids kept bouncing because no one noticed it was filled with vomit until it was all over the kids. Let’s just say I bleached and loofa’ed my kid until she had no more skin left. And now I kinda sorta have a thing against bouncy house places.
2. The goody bag. I just entertained and fed your little jackass for two hours, and now I’m supposed to send him home with a parting gift too? Some people call them goody bags. Some people call them party favors. I call them cheap plastic crapola from China that cause cancer and have parts that fall off and choke babies to death. Hmmm, yes, let’s waste more money on stuff that kills our kids and helps China. Brilliant.
3. The kids. Holy shit, we have to invite HOW MANY people to this birthday party?! Are we planning a wedding here? I mean, she’s four. For starters there’s this new rule that we have to invite every single kid in her class so we won’t hurt any feelings. What?!! They’re four. They’re not talking about what they did on the weekend. All they ever say these days is doodie and poo poo and toot. Besides, what ever happened to the whole damn totem pole of popularity and not everyone gets invited to everything? It’s like how they give a stupid trophy to every kid who participates these days. Remember the good ole days when kids could be like, “Nahhh, you’re not invited because you wear your underwear on the outside of your pants and save your boogers on your desk for when you’re hungry.” But seriously, I have nothing against Mr. Booger-Eater and my daughter is totally welcome to invite him or whoever else she wants to her party IF THEY ARE FRIENDS.
4. The whole RSVP thing. For the love of God, respond! I know that technically it means s’il vous plait, but it’s not really “if you please.” It means DO IT. I know you’re busy, but do you know what I’m busy doing? Counting the number of slices in a pizza in my head to make sure I’m ordering enough to feed your RUG RAT. So here’s the deal, if you don’t respond and your kid shows up, he’s not getting anything to eat. Nope, I don’t care if we have enough cake left over to make my ass look like J Lo’s. I’m sending your kid home a hungry, crying, snotty mess.
5. Cake. Are there things I can complain about when it comes to birthday cake? Sure. Am I going to say them? N-O. Birthday cake is like my bestest friend in the whole wide world, and I’m not going to say bad shit about my friend. I love you, birthday cake.
6. And speaking of friends, let’s talk about enemies: Pinterest. Pinterest is like the bane of my existence. ‘Cause here’s the shit I see on Pinterest:
Damn it, now I need a snack break after seeing those donut holes. Back in a minute. Okay, I’m back.
This is actually a party I went to last week at my friend’s house. Correction, ex-friend’s house.
ME: WTF, Penelope, what is this? PENELOPE: Isn’t it adorable? I saw it on Pinterest. No, Penelope, it’s not adorable. It just makes me look like a shitty mom for dumping a bunch of chips in a bowl and forgetting the forks at home so everyone has to eat cake with their hands and now they’ll all have black fingers for a week from the black frosting (which should be illegal).
7. Balloons. Kids think balloons are basically gold spun from unicorn hair but they’re wrong. Balloons are annoying as shit and I refuse to have them at my kid’s party and here’s why: a. Your kid’s going to let go of her balloon like a thousand times and whine every time and every time you’re going to have to reach up and get it for her. b. If you’re outside, your kid’s going to hold onto that ribbon tight until the second she’s out the door and then she’s going to let go of it and lose her shit as she watches it getting smaller and smaller in the sky. KID: Wahhhhhhhhhh ME: I told you not to let go. KID: Wahhhhhhhhhhh ME: Sorry, honey. We’ll get another balloon later. KID: Wahhhhhhhhhhhh ME: Okay, that’s enough. It’s a piece of plastic. KID: Wahhhhhhhhhhhhh ME: Fine, hold on, I’ll go get you another. c. No officer, I didn’t see you following me with your lights for the past two miles because all I could see in my rearview mirror was a giant purple orb of latex bobbing around. d. Don’t bite the balloo— oh shit, that’s gotta hurt. And judging by the giant red welt across your jaw it hurts like a mother-F’er. Let’s just hope you’re only psychologically scarred for life and scared shitless of balloons from now on and will never want one again.
8. Lunch. Eight times 22 divided by 2.5 plus 7 times 15, awww screw it, I can’t figure out how much pizza we’re gonna need. Just give us the largest pizza package so we don’t run out and we’ll just take home the leftovers. Only we won’t end up taking them home because our trunk’s gonna be full of presents. Then again, this is probably a good thing because if we take them our trunk’s gonna smell like pizza for the rest of the week and make me salivate every time I get into my minivan.
9. Gifts. Recently I’ve heard about some moms creating registries for their kids’ birthday parties. Insert barfing sounds here. But fine, just to go with the flow, here’s my registry: 1. 2. 3. No, that’s not a typo. It’s supposed to be blank. Because WE DON’T NEED ANY PRESENTS. The last thing I want is more shit in our house. Wait, no I changed my mind. You know what I want. I would like everyone to bring us empty gift bags in assorted sizes because that’s the only thing having a party is good for. Getting all the wrapping you can use for the rest of the year.
10. And what comes after getting a lot of crap you don’t want? Thank you notes. I’m all for thank you notes WHEN MY KID CAN WRITE. Exhibit A:
So guess who has to write them all. Yours truly. So if you give my kid a drum set or finger-paints or another stuffed animal or pretty much anything else they sell at Toys R Ass, guess what I’m gonna do. I’m going to fill your thank you note with glitter and confetti. It’s raining sequins, hallelujah, it’s raining sequins, amen!
And there you go. So if you don’t get an invitation to my kid’s birthday party in a few weeks it’s actually a good thing. It means I like you and don’t want to subject you to the torture. And if you do get one, I’m sorry.
You have to plan a party a few times before you realize the below.
http://www.scarymommy.com/birthday-parties-suck/
1. The Cost. I’d love to have the party in our backyard and save like a bazillion gajillion dollars, but A. You know if I do it’s going to tornado and hail and rain nuclear ash that day and B. My kid’s like 200% dead set on one of those bouncy house places. Are you f’ing kidding me?! Once we were at a bouncy house place and this kid must have had too much cake or caught Ebola there or something because he threw up in one of the bouncy houses and all the kids kept bouncing because no one noticed it was filled with vomit until it was all over the kids. Let’s just say I bleached and loofa’ed my kid until she had no more skin left. And now I kinda sorta have a thing against bouncy house places.
2. The goody bag. I just entertained and fed your little jackass for two hours, and now I’m supposed to send him home with a parting gift too? Some people call them goody bags. Some people call them party favors. I call them cheap plastic crapola from China that cause cancer and have parts that fall off and choke babies to death. Hmmm, yes, let’s waste more money on stuff that kills our kids and helps China. Brilliant.
3. The kids. Holy shit, we have to invite HOW MANY people to this birthday party?! Are we planning a wedding here? I mean, she’s four. For starters there’s this new rule that we have to invite every single kid in her class so we won’t hurt any feelings. What?!! They’re four. They’re not talking about what they did on the weekend. All they ever say these days is doodie and poo poo and toot. Besides, what ever happened to the whole damn totem pole of popularity and not everyone gets invited to everything? It’s like how they give a stupid trophy to every kid who participates these days. Remember the good ole days when kids could be like, “Nahhh, you’re not invited because you wear your underwear on the outside of your pants and save your boogers on your desk for when you’re hungry.” But seriously, I have nothing against Mr. Booger-Eater and my daughter is totally welcome to invite him or whoever else she wants to her party IF THEY ARE FRIENDS.
4. The whole RSVP thing. For the love of God, respond! I know that technically it means s’il vous plait, but it’s not really “if you please.” It means DO IT. I know you’re busy, but do you know what I’m busy doing? Counting the number of slices in a pizza in my head to make sure I’m ordering enough to feed your RUG RAT. So here’s the deal, if you don’t respond and your kid shows up, he’s not getting anything to eat. Nope, I don’t care if we have enough cake left over to make my ass look like J Lo’s. I’m sending your kid home a hungry, crying, snotty mess.
5. Cake. Are there things I can complain about when it comes to birthday cake? Sure. Am I going to say them? N-O. Birthday cake is like my bestest friend in the whole wide world, and I’m not going to say bad shit about my friend. I love you, birthday cake.
6. And speaking of friends, let’s talk about enemies: Pinterest. Pinterest is like the bane of my existence. ‘Cause here’s the shit I see on Pinterest:
This is actually a party I went to last week at my friend’s house. Correction, ex-friend’s house.
ME: WTF, Penelope, what is this? PENELOPE: Isn’t it adorable? I saw it on Pinterest. No, Penelope, it’s not adorable. It just makes me look like a shitty mom for dumping a bunch of chips in a bowl and forgetting the forks at home so everyone has to eat cake with their hands and now they’ll all have black fingers for a week from the black frosting (which should be illegal).
7. Balloons. Kids think balloons are basically gold spun from unicorn hair but they’re wrong. Balloons are annoying as shit and I refuse to have them at my kid’s party and here’s why: a. Your kid’s going to let go of her balloon like a thousand times and whine every time and every time you’re going to have to reach up and get it for her. b. If you’re outside, your kid’s going to hold onto that ribbon tight until the second she’s out the door and then she’s going to let go of it and lose her shit as she watches it getting smaller and smaller in the sky. KID: Wahhhhhhhhhh ME: I told you not to let go. KID: Wahhhhhhhhhhh ME: Sorry, honey. We’ll get another balloon later. KID: Wahhhhhhhhhhhh ME: Okay, that’s enough. It’s a piece of plastic. KID: Wahhhhhhhhhhhhh ME: Fine, hold on, I’ll go get you another. c. No officer, I didn’t see you following me with your lights for the past two miles because all I could see in my rearview mirror was a giant purple orb of latex bobbing around. d. Don’t bite the balloo— oh shit, that’s gotta hurt. And judging by the giant red welt across your jaw it hurts like a mother-F’er. Let’s just hope you’re only psychologically scarred for life and scared shitless of balloons from now on and will never want one again.
8. Lunch. Eight times 22 divided by 2.5 plus 7 times 15, awww screw it, I can’t figure out how much pizza we’re gonna need. Just give us the largest pizza package so we don’t run out and we’ll just take home the leftovers. Only we won’t end up taking them home because our trunk’s gonna be full of presents. Then again, this is probably a good thing because if we take them our trunk’s gonna smell like pizza for the rest of the week and make me salivate every time I get into my minivan.
9. Gifts. Recently I’ve heard about some moms creating registries for their kids’ birthday parties. Insert barfing sounds here. But fine, just to go with the flow, here’s my registry: 1. 2. 3. No, that’s not a typo. It’s supposed to be blank. Because WE DON’T NEED ANY PRESENTS. The last thing I want is more shit in our house. Wait, no I changed my mind. You know what I want. I would like everyone to bring us empty gift bags in assorted sizes because that’s the only thing having a party is good for. Getting all the wrapping you can use for the rest of the year.
10. And what comes after getting a lot of crap you don’t want? Thank you notes. I’m all for thank you notes WHEN MY KID CAN WRITE. Exhibit A:
So guess who has to write them all. Yours truly. So if you give my kid a drum set or finger-paints or another stuffed animal or pretty much anything else they sell at Toys R Ass, guess what I’m gonna do. I’m going to fill your thank you note with glitter and confetti. It’s raining sequins, hallelujah, it’s raining sequins, amen!
And there you go. So if you don’t get an invitation to my kid’s birthday party in a few weeks it’s actually a good thing. It means I like you and don’t want to subject you to the torture. And if you do get one, I’m sorry.
Tuesday, March 26, 2013
Tuesday, March 19, 2013
Hallelujah
I read this blog post and thought 'she read my mind'.
http://www.rageagainsttheminivan.com/2013/03/lets-bring-holidays-down-notch.html
http://www.rageagainsttheminivan.com/2013/03/lets-bring-holidays-down-notch.html
Thursday, February 21, 2013
After hours
At night at our house we party, with some major light effects.
The boys love when I turn off the lights in Michael's room and turn on this light thing on Michael's playmat and a light toy that plays music and displays an image on the ceiling. Of course Daniel also turns on every music playing toy in the room and in 2 minutes flat you feel like you're in a nut house.
They are the best of friends. Michael follows Daniel's every move. His head just turns all the time. Of course who can blame him since Daniel is just so sweet to him. Since Michael has been born everyone asks me "how is the older one with him?" When I say "great, super sweet", I hear a surprise "wow, really" like they expected to hear some story about finding batteries up Michael's nose or Daniel trying to sit on him or something. It has never happened. I would like to think we prepared him well or it could be his maturity or just plain LOVE. Yes, that must be it, plain sibling LOVE. Of course we know this is short lived because as soon as Michael high tails off with Daniel's Star Wars stuff it will get ugly.
Speaking of, these two are a hoot. I couldn't even get the settings on my camera corrected quick enough. Could be because I was holding 13lbs of pure marshmallow goodness in my arms.
They quote scenes and pretend to cut each other's limbs off. Yes, a very proud moment for any parent.
I'm a lonely girl in this house.
Here is the proof my child reads directions to Legos
I'm a lonely girl in this house.
Here is the proof my child reads directions to Legos
Thursday, February 7, 2013
Tuesday, February 5, 2013
Recap of more than a weekend
With the second baby the blog is not my priority but I do enjoy posting our little family's happenings from time to time. Life is more chaotic, more fun and more exhausting but I really wouldn't have it any other way, no matter how much I complain. I think all my co-workers now know the word colic, if they wanted to or not. :)
So, our weekend was fun and disappointing...49ers lost! BOOOO! I'm not a football fan at all but I wanted my hub's team to win. We prepared with sugar the day before "for good luck". |
| My teeth hurt looking at this. |
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| 12 inch cookie consumed in less than 2 days. |
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| Sweetest cupcake known to man GONE |
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| Someone played hookie from Polish school. It was Ry's idea to spend a Saturday together as a family. We haven't had that in a while. I think Daniel telling him Polish school is too long made daddy want to rescue the poor lad. I don't blame him. |
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| Snow angel with a shovel. Classic. |
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| Our command center was the kitchen and living room and legos were played non-stop. |
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| Daddy is in charge of fixing many broken pieces. |
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| This guy just watches. And yes his only pictures are in the swing. We do take him outta there but I do have to say it's a life saver!!!! |
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| The sweetest toothless grin EVER. |
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| Guess who makes this peanut smile so |
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| daddy! |
I knew my poor MIL would have a heart attack since she just practiced drawing a snowman with Daniel. I called her and we were just beside ourselves how lazy Daniel is with crafts, drawing, coloring, etc. The boy HATES art.
After school, I got the courage to ask him, "buddy why does your snowman look like this?"
His reply, "mommy he melted". Thank you Jesus, there is hope or this is modern art at it's best and we could be rich one day.
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| Baby long lashes, me LOVE |
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| Daniel loves being scratched. He's like a damn cat. He wiggles into a comfy position and finds a sucker to just rub him. |
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| And turns...I swear he'll need a litter box soon. |
Wednesday, December 5, 2012
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
Remembering Lightning
P.S. Since the last post Ryan wanted me to clarify that it was the squirrels that ruined the pumpkin and not poor craftsmanship. Also, we were heros of the night after a trip to target, we scored an oversized, plastic, $30 pumpkin. Chew on that squirrels...OK seriously please don't.
It was a great 18 hours!
It was a great 18 hours!
R.I.P Lightning McQueen
We were heros again after $30 spent at Target on a plastic one, fully operational from dusk till dawn on a timer. Oh yeah!
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
Monday, June 25, 2012
Weekend Recap
We had a great weekend. Friday night I ventured out to look at more cabinets. I think I found them but need to take a break for 2 days and then go back and see them. :) OK, we did that Sunday, and I changed my mind so now another 2 days and these better be it. HA!
Saturday, we enjoyed a day at the pool after I came back home with a new shorter haircut. Of course we had an hour and a half break because someone threw up in the pool. The summer curse of 2012 continues with pool surprises. According to my nephew who went with us "this happens all the time at these little kid pools". We went across the street to Culver's and enjoyed some ice cream and snacks. So, the timing worked out.
Sunday, Daniel asked to drive his Cadillac to the park. It was hot but we said "sure buddy, why not". The "why not" was answered 10 minutes into the walk when the Cadillac's battery died on us. We could see the park on the horizon. D and I waited while daddy went back to get the car. My calculation of the car fitting in the trunk with no problems was obviously proof why I hated geometry, I have no concept of measurements and space because I had to go 2 miles an hour while Ry walked behind the car with it sticking out half way. I enjoyed the view from the rear view mirror.
Here is a little video of our weekend, car in trunk and all.
CLICK HERE TO VIEW:
OR
http://www.onetruemedia.com/shared?p=111688e56d7d9f22e326c70&skin_id=601&utm_source=otm&utm_medium=text_url
Saturday, we enjoyed a day at the pool after I came back home with a new shorter haircut. Of course we had an hour and a half break because someone threw up in the pool. The summer curse of 2012 continues with pool surprises. According to my nephew who went with us "this happens all the time at these little kid pools". We went across the street to Culver's and enjoyed some ice cream and snacks. So, the timing worked out.
Sunday, Daniel asked to drive his Cadillac to the park. It was hot but we said "sure buddy, why not". The "why not" was answered 10 minutes into the walk when the Cadillac's battery died on us. We could see the park on the horizon. D and I waited while daddy went back to get the car. My calculation of the car fitting in the trunk with no problems was obviously proof why I hated geometry, I have no concept of measurements and space because I had to go 2 miles an hour while Ry walked behind the car with it sticking out half way. I enjoyed the view from the rear view mirror.
Here is a little video of our weekend, car in trunk and all.
CLICK HERE TO VIEW:
OR
http://www.onetruemedia.com/shared?p=111688e56d7d9f22e326c70&skin_id=601&utm_source=otm&utm_medium=text_url
Saturday, June 16, 2012
7th Heaven
Thursday night we enjoyed a concert at our park. Every Thursday there is a band and every Monday there is a community band. All FREE. The group, 7th Heaven was pretty impressive. The kids had a blast.
I wasn't thrilled when I opened up my camera and realized my zoom lens from last weekend was still on and was forced to take all close up pictures. Then I wanted to use the video camera and I left the camera on and drained the battery. Such is life. We're ready for a fun, HOT weekend!
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| The boys "played" soccer. |
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| He liked running around in the field. Not after the ball or anything just ran. |
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| It was pretty packed. The bouncy house was a hit but of course annoyed the adults. Next Thursday we are planning a Bunco night without Bunco. We are getting all the ladies together at the park to enjoy some music without the kids. |
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| they were getting nuts towards the end and lots of dancing occured |
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| These two love birds got a hold of each other and just danced and fell, danced and fell. |
I wasn't thrilled when I opened up my camera and realized my zoom lens from last weekend was still on and was forced to take all close up pictures. Then I wanted to use the video camera and I left the camera on and drained the battery. Such is life. We're ready for a fun, HOT weekend!
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